Waiter Rant

by john on January 10, 2006

I’m sure everyone has that one blog that when they see a new entry in their aggregator they jump right to it. For me that blog is Waiter Rant.

Non-technical, but brilliantly written, the blog evokes memories both good and bad of my own time as a ranting Waiter.

Here is the full text from Waiter’s “introduction”:http://waiterrant.net/?p=7 to his blog from April, 2004:

bq(quote).. There are many books about waiting tables penned by frustrated authors and wannabe loser actors, so why should I add my tiny voice to the fray? Because all of these treatments are milquestoast pussywhipped stories written so as not to offend anyone. I read these books and I get a sneaking suspicion that the author is afraid he/she will be found out and lose their job. Inhibited bullshit. Fuck that.

I will remain anonymous so I can tell people what this job and working in the great American “service economy” is really like! All I will say is I am a waiter in a high end restaurant in the NYC area. The stories are true but some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent ( and my self form litigious customers!).

I can pretty much point to any of entries to show off his brilliance so I’ll just post to his last one, Treasure:

bq(quote).. The husband grabs the wine list out of his wife’s hand. “I’m very knowledgeable about Italian wine waiter,” he snorts, “We don’t need your help.”

“Very well sir,” I reply, struggling to keep my voice even, “I’ll come back when you’ve made a decision.”

The man studies the wine list for five minutes. He finally orders a bottle of our cheapest white, a Vernaccia, which retails for $10. We charge $24.

“An excellent choice sir,” I lie.

“I want it now,” the man snaps.

“Okey dokey asshole,” I think to myself.

After I take orders from two other tables, field several phone calls, and void an item for another server, I bring the man his wine. Nothing like anticipation to keep your customers riveted.

“Your Vernaccia sir,” I say, presenting the bottle.

Read the whole article, it’s hard to do it justice through a quote. Waiter captures dialog like few writers on the web. There must be a book deal on the horizon.

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